By Obed Bwambale
What makes a marriage work? What do Christians have to this answer? Well, among Christians these days, there are two major views on what principle Christian marriages should be built on. One of these is called Couple Egalitarianism. This principle believes in an equal partnership of the wife and husband with neither being designated as the leader in the marriage or family. Instead, the wife and husband share a fully equal partnership in both their marriage and in the family.
The second is Couple Complementarity. This principle believes in a husband headship where a husband has a “loving, humble headship” and the wife has an “intelligent, willing submission” to his headship. Without necessarily using the term “obey”, they believe women have “different but complementary roles and responsibilities in marriage”. This principle rhymes pretty well with many African cultures and Christian denominational teachings in Uganda.
Even then, there is still some conflict over what really works and what makes a marriage successful. If you want to have one, there is a simple summary that will help both sexes know what to take note of and practice.
WIFE
W stands for Workmate
God’s first purpose of giving Adam a wife was to help him with Work (Gen 2:18). Remember that Adam was already in the Garden of Eden working as he had finished naming all animals and other creatures.
From the African perspective, a wife is expected to help the husband with domestic chores and any work which best fits her physical and mental abilities. This is not making her a slave as many interpret to cover any laziness.
Proverbs31:10-31 teaches us about the practicality of doing domestic work while even engaging in income-generating activities.
Therefore a marriage that works is that in which a wife values working to support husband, children and development of the community and the church.
I stands for Intimate
A wife strives to remain attractive to the husband and attempts to meet the sexual needs of the husband. She should be free to be naked for his man without shame as it was in the Garden of Eden (Genesis2:25). She should help the husband not to burn with passion (1 Corinthians7:3-9)
From the African perspective, a couple is expected to concretize marriage with wedding night sex and in some societies, the new couples are taken through many sessions before the wedding on how to approach sex in dignity while making it interesting for the couple.
Therefore, Intimacy with husband should be a key priority of wife for the marriage to work and allow the husband to rejoice with her as recorded in proverbs5:18-19
F stands for Firm
A wife Withstands troubles or challenges because she understands that marriage is lifelong commitment (RUTH1:16-17)
Marriage is not for cowards and is not free from troubles with evidence from the bible.
No marriage stands without a firm wife. This is a fact that no African society disputes
E stands for Enterprising
A wife is forward-looking and innovative.
There is an African proverb that states “when a woman goes on a secret trip, she gathers firewood and returns home
Endeavors to use available resources better to ensure that she doesn’t waste her husband’s sweat and that of herself in useless ventures
HUSBAND
H stands for hard worker
According to the bible, the first task of the man assigned by God was work(naming all creatures) and later after disobedience was told to sweat for their food(Gen2:20; Gen3:19)
Husbands ought to work hard because it’s the only way they can be able to provide for their families (1Timothy 5:8; 1Thessalonians3:10-14; Proverbs 10:4)
In African culture, it is compulsory for man to be hardworking. Therefore if you get married, you ought to even to work harder because of increased responsibility as a MUST and the efforts of your wife should be complementary
U stands for Understanding
Being a respected husband will require to be wise and live with wife with a proper understanding of her strength and weaknesses so as to learn how to compliment her(1Peter3:7 and
Colossians3:19)
Being understanding involves appreciating her looks, doing away with offensive communication, apologizing when you wrong to her and being supportive in her work.
An understanding husband doesn’t gossip about wife in public neither does he batter the wife.
The bible was clever to require husbands to love even when they have authority and went ahead to define love for the men to understand better.
Love is patient and kind; does not envy or boast; it’s not arrogant or rude; not resentful and rejoices with the truth etc (1Corinthians13:4-7.)
Husbands ought to know that authority comes with the demand for rationality accountability as well as legitimacy even though dominance is also a characteristic.
S stands for Servant
Both Christianity and African culture acknowledge man as a servant of his wife and children. Therefore, you can’t be a husband if you can’t offer the following services to your wife
- Sex that leads to orgasm
- Protection from abusive family& environment
- Comfort in times of trouble
The desires of the wife are the responsibility of the husband. Just like Jesus gave his life for the church, Husband should sacrifice for his family (Gen 3:16;1 Timothy5:8;1Corinthians7:2-5)
B stands for Bold
Marriage is not always a bed of roses. Dying for the church wasn’t an act of fainthearted or cowards (Songs of songs8:6-7)
Marriageis24/7job.Once married, its lifelong commitment (Malachi2:14-16)
Marriage demands you to leave your parents cleave to her and become one. Dependence is gone and independence has set in. You should be bold to sort your marital problems with her without rushing to your mom unless mutually agreed that it warrants such (Mark10:6- 9)
A stands for Authority
Man is the head of the family and the wife as well (Ephesians5:23; Gen3:16).
Husband having authority over wife is not a blueprint to be stupid and violent but to use it to the glory of God (Colossians3:19; 23-24)and specifically by loving and feeding their wives.
The women should submit to the authority of the husband while the husband should love the wife.
Isn’t it common sense that she will be submissive if you make proper use of the authority by providing leadership in a home just like a submissive wife is easy to love?
The bible was clever to require husbands to love even when they have authority and went ahead to define love for the men to understand better.
Love is patient and kind; does not envy or boast; it’s not arrogant or rude; not resentful and rejoices with the truth etc. 1Corinthians13:4-7.
Husbands ought to know that authority comes with the demand for rationality accountability as well as legitimacy even though dominance is also a characteristic.
N stands for Nobility
Husband ought to behave properly so as not to bring shame to his wife and family. He dresses decently and speaks responsibly to bring respect and dignity to his wife and children (Proverbs10:11; Hebrews13:4)
No man is taken seriously in African society for constantly putting his wife to shame.
Therefore, after marriage, you should restrict from stupid behaviour to make your marriage work since your wife will fill encouraged to further pursue each day with you.
D stands for Demonstrators
The Husband teaches his household by example in everything. A bride is given to a groom for grooming(1Corinthians 14:35&Genesis18:19) Restrict from stupid behavior to make your marriage work since your wife would feel encouraged to further pursue each day with you.
I learnt from my father 12 years ago that it makes sense for husband to teach his household how to things the way he wants them than bark at them.
Dad told me in 2010, any man who can’t pass a message to his family without roaring is simply sick, lost and possessed”
The author is a husband, researcher, trainer and technical writer
