By Evelyn C Kharono Lufafa
We have been married for 13 years and I truly love my husband. However, in the last few years he has made his job and hobbies his number one priority instead of the children and I. We rarely spend time together (just the two of us) and when we do, we have to do something he likes. He has no interest in what I like or what our children are doing. I take the children to all their appointments, school functions and the like. I have tried to let him know how I feel in vain. Is it time to give up and move on or do I keep trying? If I keep trying what can I do to help him see that things cannot keep going this way? Joyce
Dear Joyce,
Disregarding a partner is a form of communication and in most cases, a symptom of an underlying issue or issues. Marriage, undergoes stages and each of these stages is significant.
According to marriage counsellors, discovery, the third stage, comes after the second which is usually full of power struggles characterised by conflict. However, when a couple survives this stage, they might move on to the third stage where the couple ceases fire and faces reality.
Unfortunately, here, a couple might treat one another as business partners. Cheating might also happen at this stage, including a breakdown in communication since the drama ended and there seems to be mutual respect. Many couples might amicably divorce at this stage. This may not be the case in your marriage but the knowledge will help you identify the right one.
A sudden change in behaviour might be a sign of an underlying, unspoken issue. As you mentioned above, your husband only changed a few years back meaning this is a new behaviour. What was happening before and is not happening now? How about you as an individual, have you changed in any way? Sometimes we might focus our strength on another person and forget to do a personal introspection.
Experts assert that even when one partner changes for the better, in one way or another they might affect the other positively. Remember during this change in attitude and communication, you could be feeling humiliated, and this can affect your mental health. It could be that your husband is battling either unresolved issues or stress and is coping negatively by ignoring his family members and investing energy into his job and hobbies. Click to read more…
